Fundamental Forgiveness

The other day my playlist was on shuffle and a song I hadn’t heard in a little while popped up. I was listening to ‘I lived’ by One Republic and a particularly tender memory came to my mind, involving an old friend and a beautiful dress, and I immediately knew what I wanted to write about next. What do I think is the most important value that any person needs to have in order to deal with friendships in life? Well, for me to explain that, I have to explain the song. Part of the lyrics goes;

Hope that you fall in love
And it hurts so bad
The only way you can know
You give it all you have
And I hope that you don’t suffer
But take the pain…
Hope when the moment comes
You’ll say

I…I did it all
I…I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

Everyone has different interpretations of the songs they listen to, and many memories they associate the songs with. I can’t properly explain why, but the word that comes to mind when I listen to this song is: Forgiveness. It may be because of the person I associate the song with. The words, in my opinion, depict the realisation that you won’t get to be with someone for the next chapter of their life, and wanting nothing but the best for them. This involves having gone through something with this person, be it a friendship or a relationship, but having had it turn sour and having had to turn down different paths. No matter how hurt we are, how sad and lonely the inevitable separation makes us feel at the start, hopefully, and that’s what this song invokes for me, you begin to feel the forgiveness that comes with letting go and wanting that person to fly into the world the same way you intend to. We hope that they experience every beautiful gift that life has to offer and that one day, when they look back, they can say that they lived the life they dreamt of. For me, being able to wish that for someone, someone who you may have fallen out with or broken up with, involves what I think is the most important part of life.

I’ve had many a friendship in my young life that have gone in ways I wouldn’t have expected. I’ve had friends come and go, I have friends that have always stayed and I now have new friendships with futures we have yet to discover.

To the friends that have stayed and the friends that are new, there isn’t much to be said, at least not at this very moment. When their names come to mind, there’s no lingering nostalgia and the slight twinge of longing for a time gone by. It’s about those feelings, and about the names that spring to mind with the feelings, that I wanted to talk about here.

So, once we were friends, and now we’re not. We were angry for a little while, but now we aren’t. Being able to forgive the people who hurt you, is a lesson that my parents taught me, and it’s something that I value more than anything else. To be able to understand what it’s like to truly forgive someone for everything they put you through is one of the most liberating feelings because it replaces those feelings of anger and sadness  in your heart with nothing but warmth and optimism. You forgive not for the other person, because they may never know the thoughts going on in your mind or how you feel about them and they probably don’t care, but you forgive for yourself. It’s the most amazing thing that you can do for your heart. I’m not saying it absolves you of the things that you may have done in return, because we all have our part to play in hurting others as well. I know the things that I did that hurt other people and I’ve learnt to live with my mistakes.

Katheryn Trenshaw wrote that ‘We never stop loving silently those we once loved out loud.’ No matter how bad the separation was, over time, trust that the pain goes away, but cling to the memories of the good times because they, as well as the bad times, make you who you are today. That’s when you begin to forgive and, for me at least, you become overcome by the hope that wherever that person is, they’re happy and that they’re making all their dreams come true. Some people spend their whole lives hating and holding on to bitter memories that darken their hearts and make them forget to see the beauty in the world, in the people of the world. Everything happens for a reason and you need to remember that if something or someone is pushed out of your life, it’s only making room for something greater to come along. To all the friends I once knew, I hope that, even though we’re no longer by each other’s side, you’re doing everything that you always said you wanted to do, I hope that you find the love you deserve and the happiness that you strive for. I hope when the moment comes, you’ll say you lived.

Side Note: I hope this wasn’t too heavy for whatever time it is that you’re reading it but I  do intend to write a lighter version about the fundamentals for lasting friendships. But until then,

Sit back, grab some Cheetos, and let’s see what life has to offer us next,




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